rose bushes and dirty nappies
I wish my brain had a 'pause' button. Perhaps even a 'slow down' button would suffice...
I don't even know what I'm going to write because I feel as though I can't get any of my thoughts to stay still long enough for me to be able to express them.
Well, the other day I read an essay by Paul Graham in which he suggests making notes about the things that surprise us (arguing that this is the stuff of truly good essays), so maybe I'll start with that. Not that this is an essay... although I guess one could argue otherwise?
Something that surprised me today was the brownness of some of the grass at the park down the road from me. It's only the middle of October (ie one and a half more months till summer starts) and already things are drying out. I was a little sad about this because I've only recently learnt to really appreciate Spring, and I'm already faced with the tragedy of it being almost over! It really is a beautiful Spring this year. But then, I'm not sure whether it's just that I've never been observant enough to notice how beautiful Spring was in my other 18 years. Either way, there are SO many flowers.
Speaking of which, another thing that has surprised me is how many rose bushes there are in my area. Blooming ones, at that! We have a few in our backyard, but Mum has always had trouble getting them to really thrive so she probably hasn't planted as many as she would have liked to. However, last Saturday I was walking to the big shopping centre near us (on a road down which I would be driving 99.9999% of the times I take it) and I passed a few old Italian houses that had the most incredible array of roses in their front gardens.
It made me sad to think that every other time I'd been past those rose bushes, securely cocooned in my little motorised metal cage, I had never noticed them before.
And even if I had seen them, it would not have been the same kind of experience, because I wouldn't have smelt them.. and I wouldn't have had the sensation of the sun on my skin, and the exhilerating yet exhausting feeling of my pulse thumping through my legs after a significantly brisk walk, and the strange fluid feeling in my stomach that I get around midday if I sleep in and don't eat breakfast; I wouldn't have been listening to the ceaseless cacophony of traffic and birds because, had I been in my car, I would have been one of the deaf, faceless, nameless instruments.
Funny how my love of music and beauty could often be the thing that stops me from hearing and seeing music and beauty in my own environment. When I am driving in my car, I always have a cd or the radio playing; when I'm getting ready in the morning I spend far more time trying to make myself 'beautiful' than I do simply enjoying the beauty that's already around me - sitting out on my balcony watching the birds, or having a 'quiet time' in the gazebo and enjoying the beautiful garden.
As I reflect on all of this, I realise how much of an impact my 9-month old niece has on me. Spending time with Paige - whether it's feeding her, changing her nappy, playing with her, or just watching her - really seems to bring me back to the basics... or something. Every time I see her she makes me laugh, without fail. She totally brightens up my days and reminds me to stop and 'smell the roses' (or the dirty nappies, as the case may be..), and the way that she is so interested in the simplest things makes me wonder whether our grown-up intelligence and complexity maybe isn't such a great thing?
Seeing her laugh when someone tickles her or blows a raspberry on her tummy, or watching her excitement as she tries to crawl, I feel a kind of grief about the way we crowd our lives and houses and minds with so many unnecessary things - so much so that we stop being interested in the simple things. We don't let people tickle us, we don't bop up and down with glee when we like the taste of our food, we don't touch things just to find out how they feel, we don't climb, we don't hit the piano's keys in ways that don't sound 'right'.
And how often do we really stop to smell those roses...?
posted by deborah @ 10:05 PM
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